Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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