i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
My bed smells like the plague
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