Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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