True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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