I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
