no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
So gin and wine won't be happening again
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
