Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
