filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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