I wanna passion pit in your ass
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
