Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
