cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
