i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
