I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
