Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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