I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
