Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
