i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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