Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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