Screwed.edu
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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