I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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