she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
