I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
