fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
