All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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