Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I think I just sharted jello shots
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
