I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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