I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
