I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
