You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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