I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
