I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
