The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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