He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
