wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
