This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
