Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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