I skipped work to stalk him.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
he was CRYING into my vagina
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
