I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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