You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Drunk is a universal language darling
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
