The maid of honor just puked.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
