you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
