Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
