After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
