Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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