i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
