Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
