Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
