i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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