You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
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