she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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