I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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