I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
