she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
